The Waiting

Have you ever reached a point where you wonder, "What is God doing right now?"  And then all around you are "signs", as if God is trying to get your attention?  When all kinds of things show up in your facebook feed, like these!
 

I tend to get caught up in motion -- forward motion.   I like a plan and a mission.  I want to know what is next, what is coming.  I like to be in control.  And therein lies the problem.

Me being in control means that God is not in control.  It means that I have taken back the reigns and feel that I am better at my life.  

I am not unaware of these issues -- but that does not make it any easier to make the necessary changes.  To confess -- To release -- To surrender

The more I refuse, the more I find myself thrashing through life wreaking havoc in the relationships around me.  

I don't rest, wait, or meditate well.

Isaiah 30:15 says, "This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: 'Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved.  In quietness and confidence is your strength'."

The Randomness That Is My Life Right Now

I can hardly believe that we are more than half way through July.

My kids start school on August 4th.  That's less that 2 WEEKS AWAY!  ACK!

Chad and I did school shopping via Amazon this year.  Have you ever tried it?  We took the school list, punched it all through the search bar, chose items that were on Amazon Prime and BAM! School supplies delivered in 2 days.

Because I am beyond frugal (can we say bargain hunter or just outright call it CHEAP) we compared the prices with Target.  Historically, this is where the majority of our schools supply money was spent.  With a few additional dollars going to wherever else we could find the necessary elusive school supply items.

GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!  Every item was cheaper through Amazon.  And, it was all accomplished from the comfort of my recliner in my pajamas! 

Have you ever had to pay for COBRA insurance?  Please, don't get me wrong -- I am very appreciative for a decent insurance plan.  But paying the entire thing, out of pocket, is daunting to say the least.  Add on top of that, the reason you are paying for it yourself, out of pocket, is because you are unemployed.  Come open enrollment time, research will be completed to discover the best fit for the family -- if I am still unemployed!

Unemployed -- this is a season of life that "allows" me to show utter and complete dependence on God. There is nothing, for me, more difficult than being in a state of limbo.  I LOVE and have loved spending the summer focusing on my family and spending AMAZING quality time with Sebastian.  We have had the chance to really just enjoy life and the security that he has developed, the anxiety that has disappeared -- it makes all difficult moments for me, SO worth it.

I think my struggle comes with knowing that it is not a long term part of my life. I am in a waiting game.  Waiting for God to open the right doors for the right job.  This forces me to live each moment and each day intentionally.  I like a plan, a schedule and the security that I find in the routine of having a job.  My life does not mirror this in any way, shape or form right now.  

This is an intense growing and training season for me.  

I graduate with my Bachelor's degree in Liberal Arts, August 21, 2015.  I am finishing my Senior Capstone Project class now.  I honestly think that Chad may be more excited about this than I am.   And then, I am faced with the "what's next" question.  What do I want to be when I grow up?  

I very much enjoyed my previous job, which leads me to want to continue in the business management aspect.  I have always dreamed about being a teacher.  I will say that after spending the summer at home with my son, it's much more intense than I could have imagined.  

And, let me admit, that while money is not everything (a very big lesson I have learned through this phase of life) it still helps.  And it is disgusting how little teachers gets paid.  They are helping to shape the minds of our future generations and we pay them just a little above minimum wage????? 

And so, I am headed towards a Master's degree.  I love to learn.  I know I can do it.  

But it is a little difficult to figure out what I want to be when I grow up in the middle of my life while walking through such a strange season in life.

I have an interview tomorrow.

Let me just be honest and say that since May 1, I have put makeup on 3 times and "done" my hair 3 times.  And 3 may even be a stretch.  I am living the life of a comfy clothes, never know when we will be at the park or on a bike ride, kind of life.  My hair is almost always up - either in a pony tail/bun or tucked under a hat.  And why not?  It's hot and sweaty running around enjoying this freedom of summer.  

I'm sure my hair loves the lack of torture I have put it through as well.  And my eyelashes are looking nice and lush in their own special transparent way.  

I am rather looking forward to being put together tomorrow for my interview.  

I actually stepped in a store other than the grocery store or target to get school clothes for the boys this past week.  Can I just say that I LOVE clothes and shopping and jewelry and makeup????  We went to the outlets at Silverthorne on the way to our family Vacation in Steamboat (another post).  I love a good deal and putting together outfits.  And it made me ready to shop for me.....alas, I am unemployed so my clothing budget has decreased and I just don't have the need for those fancy clothes.  But I did indulge in some lightweight summer clothes from Title Nine and am in heaven.  There is a reason that my husband (the fly fishing guide) lives in these comfortable but nice looking clothes.  

I believe that is enough randomness for one post.  Intentionally enjoy every moment of every day!

I'll be right there with you tripping through this crazy life.

Life

Life is happening! 
Lots of very low lows, and a very special very high!  


We are finally on the good side of adopting a son.  


Sebastain is a 3 1/2 year old little boy coming to us from Alaska.
He has special needs, has been in 7 homes in the last 2 years.  


He is a rambunctious bundle of energy and love.  


He is moving to Colorado to be part of our family.  


We are excited!
We are as ready as we can get right now.


We need some miracles.........I need a job or Chad needs a job that will support our family.


But God is faithful and has been every step of the way.


The paperwork has been a hassle, the emotions are roller coaster.


And someday in the very near future, I will write his story and properly introduce him.